Please Read These
by Adina-Marie Torres
University of the Incarnate Word
Adina-Marie Torres is a sophomore at the University of the Incarnate Word, graduating spring of 2025. She's a double major in Fashion Merchandising and English with a passion for the arts.
Girlhood
your girlhood dies the first time you bleed
and your father cries
you don’t understand why
and then you do
your womanhood comes when you cry for your mother
all that she could’ve been
all that she is
your girlhood dies the first time your mother says
“no, not like that”
and you think she’s wrong
why wouldn’t she be
womanhood comes with you weep for your mother
all that she bled for you
I don’t jump off tall places
I wasn’t scared of domesticity anymore
the leisure of letting the thoughts come
time shushed them
tucked them away in a neat box
they didn’t slither in like they used to
now they knocked on the door
Take Care of Her, please
I think I’m always going to look for my mother's love
The constant corrections in her compassion
I almost found it in her mother
I couldn’t find it in her husband
He could only love her the way a man would
to have something
Someone
I had to forge it within myself
Love her
because who else would
We Grow Together, I Think
The first woman you curse is always your mother
Because she asked you to do something for her
Have you called her your mother?
She’s better now that you’re older
She tells you you’re not her
and she smiles
I’m Scared of the Dark
I’m scared of the dark
I sleep with a lamp on now
It used to be a bathroom light
One from the 90s shaped like boobs
And I’d leave the door cracked
Let light into my bedroom
Before then, it was fairies
They looked like Christmas lights and sang an eerie tune
Before revealing themselves
They scratched me til I bled
Even at that age.
I knew.
The fairies knew
I was bad
They say every child is selfish
That they’re too young to know they’re not supposed to be
But I wasn’t.
I knew.
My mom saw the faeries too when she was younger.
They sang her lullabies
And whisked her to sleep
She was good.
All I know is that I’m scared
I call my boyfriend
Cry when he doesn’t pick up
I cry because he’s just a man
And cannot understand why I am scared of myself
Because every woman I’ve known
Believes
She was on the brink of becoming something, once
Feral
Undone
I settle into it
And think I'll die like this
Sitting cross-legged on my bed
Clothes and bed still damp from the thoughts I couldn't sweat out
For a while, I wouldn’t be what I am
Scared
There wasn’t anything in the dark worse than what I was