Hereditary Habits
by Isabella Girard
University Of Mississippi
Isabella Girard is currently a Junior at the University Of Mississippi where she is majoring in Psychology and minoring in Creative Writing. She plans to graduate in the spring of 2023 and will hopefully start a graduate education program shortly afterwards. She hopes to eventually become a therapist who owns her own practice while also writing on the side.
Hereditary Habits
In my mother’s kitchen
there are rules,
ones she never had to speak.
They test my dedication
to stay small.
To show hunger, is to show weakness
I’ve always been competitive,
she knows this.
I start to confuse what is considered a “need”
surely, carbs are in this category?
The pantry is not a wooden door
which houses gluten free veggie straws
and zero calorie, zero taste popcorn,
It's a boundary line;
between darting eyes and passive “are you sure about that?”
between what I look like
And what I—
what she wishes to look like.
I let the fridge keep its cool air,
I allow the pantry to rest at its post,
I estimate how much longer I can ignore
my body's sudden decrease in blood sugar.
But, what is more fulfilling—
a full stomach,
Or her approval?
Interview with the Poet
1. What was your inspiration for this piece?
As I grow older, I grow increasingly aware of the fact that humans tend to put their own insecurities and unresolved trauma onto others without even being aware of it. While I have always had an extremely close relationship with my mother, I had also become acutely aware of the toxic relationship she had with her body image and food from a young age. While it was never her intention to pass on the pain she had surrounding food, eating, and body image, her attempts to shield me from the pain actually drew more attention to the same issues she had experienced as a young girl. I have been far too concerned with my body image and my relationship with food for as long as I can remember. This obsession eventually led to restricting food and obsessing over my weight even though my mothers efforts to encourage me to eat healthy and avoid overindulgence was meant to steer me in the right direction. Although, through observing the way my mother talked about herself, her body image, and food- I, unfortunately, adopted some of the negative inner dialogue and pain she was carrying as well.
2. What is your creative process? (How do you go about writing or creating?)
I actually wrote this piece in a poetry workshop class I was taking my sophomore year. My professor wanted us to experiment with different ideas in our work by giving us a range of different prompts to begin with. Within the first few weeks of class, my professor had us try out a writing exercise in which she said for us to write any type of poem we wanted as long as the opening line was “In my mothers kitchen”. Most of my classmates were drawn to write about the nostalgic smells of their mothers signature dishes or secret recipes, but when I thought about my mothers kitchen, I realized that the kitchen has never been a place of nostalgia or love for either me or my mom. Once I had that starting line, the rest came pretty quickly/naturally.
3. Is there anything more you’d like our readers/viewers to know about you or your work?
For women who feel all too large yet incredibly small at the same time: This is for you too.