Bitters soaked in childhood
by Kaitlyn Harrison
Virginia Commonwealth University
Kaitlyn Harrison is currently a senior majoring in mass communications with a concentration in creative advertising and a minor in creative writing. She is also the current Editor-in-Chief at plain china: The Best Undergraduate Writing. This is her first publication. If you’d like to see more of what she’s up to, follow her writing account @i_like_yourbookmark on Instagram.
Bitters soaked in childhood
Little girl
you say you must die now
without knowing what life
is like yet.
You have only your perspective
of nine years
so, you understand 9 years’
worth of pain
forgetting about the happiness shelved between
the lobes
because it doesn’t penetrate your memory
the same way when at five
you jumped into the leaves
hit a rock
but only remember the moments
you spent in the air.
Both your kneecaps
have drilled the spongy skin
underneath
bringing with it
bits of growing muscle and oily blood
every time your Barbie scooter
loses speed faster
than your body does.
And you’ll say again
how you wish you were dead
since you have forgotten
those moments before the fall.
Drink up the water
from your disposable bottle
and from the tears that reach
the corners of your mouth
while hiding in the bathroom.
Little girl, your blood is dripping
into the bath.
Little girl, your mother is begging you
to open the door.
Little girl
You do not know yet
what there is to live for.
Interview With The Author
1. What was your inspiration for this piece?
My inspiration for the poem “Bitters soaked in childhood” came from two different places. I’d just read and talked to one of my friends about Muriel Barbery’s book “The Elegance of the Hedgehog.” One of the things that struck me in the book was the little girl’s view on death and suicide. For someone so young, the character thought she had everything figured out. She believed she knew what it meant to die when she couldn’t even know what it meant to live. With this thought in mind, I looked back into my own childhood for specific images of pain. One event stood out among the rest. I rode my scooter too fast down our hill, flew over the handlebars, and ran into the bathroom to hide what had happened from my mom. I still have the scars on both of my knees. Through all of these images, I wanted to show that even though it can hurt to live, we would be doing a disservice to ourselves by ignoring and forgetting the moments that aren’t marked by pain.
2. What is your creative process?
I always start my creative process with just a single thought. Something will pop into my mind and I’ll think “Oh, that’s an interesting idea. What if it could be reworked into a story?” Before diving into the writing, I have to find music that will help set the mood or tone of the piece I’m about to work on. From there, it’s just learning how to tinker and critique my own work. Sometimes, that means throwing out the entire piece and starting over. Other times, it means rearranging what I already have.
3. What are some influences on your artistic process?
Music has always influenced my artistic process the most. Without fail, I have my Nora Jones Pandora playlist in the background whenever I’m writing.
4. Is there anything more you’d like our readers/viewers to know about you or your work?
I’d just like my readers to know that all of my work comes from the little things that have happened in my life. Sometimes, I write pieces based off big events, but more times, it’s a tiny memory that sparks something. For anyone who says they don’t have anything to write about, I say that you simply haven’t looked deep enough yet.
Editors’ Comments
The intense love and depth comes from a rooted place deep in the author's heart. There’s something about this poem that cannot be made up that signifies pain, growth, and acceptance. The intrinsic wording and beautifully crafted outline pieces this poem together extremely well.